Grief and an open heart

Some of us react to loss by "shutting down". We don't feel we can bear the pain of grief, or we don't want to risk loving and losing someone again. Rachel, whose comment is quoted below, feels her heart has been "shut for business" since she broke up with her ex four years ago. When she experienced an emotional release in the Opening the Heart meditation, however, she felt hope that she'll eventually be able to move on and find someone new.

"I felt a significant release with tears when trying this meditation. I split with an ex over four years ago... I haven’t been able to move on at all romantically as I haven’t been able to let go of this past relationship. My heart shut for business to anyone else. I’m really hoping this meditation will eventually help me move on and find love again."

Rachel has every reason to be hopeful now that she's been able to start grieving the loss of her ex. If we can grieve a loss fully, feeling the pain all the way through, it leaves us with an open heart that can make new connections. It's said that the only way through grief is straight into the heart of it. You have to fall into it completely. An open heart is one that can grieve. We can't really feel love and joy if our hearts are closed to feeling pain. Grief is a natural process that allows us to let go of one relationship and let in another.

Life is full of losses, large and small. Large losses, like losing a  loved one, a job, moving, or falling ill, cause us to grieve. But so do smaller losses, losses that we might not even recognize as something to grieve. This really struck me yesterday as I was inhaling the wonderful fragrance of the jasmine flowers gracing my patio. Spring is my favorite season, and the return of the jasmine nourishes my being and brings me joy. But yesterday I noticed that almost all of the buds had already bloomed, and most of the lovely little flowers were on the decline. Lots of spent blossoms were at my feet. I felt as if I wanted to hold on to the jasmine forever, to never let it go. At some point I noticed a tight feeling in my heart. I felt that holding on feeling so clearly and sensed it as a tightening up against life. I felt I needed to let go and when I did, I felt grief. It was a surrender to the inevitability of loss that is part of the fabric of life. In that surrender I felt my heart relax and open. Though I felt sad, in that moment I felt fully alive. I was open to whatever might come next.

My sense is that we can't let go and be truly open without feeling the pain of loss. What has your experience with this been?

Accessing Intuition Guided Meditation

Meeting Richard was an amazing experience. I felt a deep recognition. I even had a vision of him playing exquisite music on a keyboard. (I had no idea at the time that he was a musician.) There was such a strong connection that I actually had the thought - "could he be the one?" My emotions rebelled, however, and I immediately brushed the thought away. As I got to know Richard, there was a level on which I knew, absolutely knew, that I wanted to be with him. And yet, I had a carefully constructed list of all the attributes I wanted in a mate, and he just didn't fit the bill. (I might add that the same was true for him, I was not what he had in mind either!)  We were both drawn to each other, but we struggled because of our preconceived ideas of what we thought our mate should be like. Our intuition told us one thing and our ideas and emotions told us something else.

Looking back on our years together, I see the great wisdom in the choice we made to be together. I couldn't see it so clearly at that time. The choice came from a deeper knowing, a knowing that was within us even when our emotions protested, even when our minds didn't really understand. Intuition contains that kind of wisdom. It's like a computer that can process more information than we can possibly juggle with the conscious mind. Intuition mysteriously taps into the past, present and future, as well as bypassing our blind spots.

Intuition comes from a place that's beyond logic, analysis or even our emotions. It's an inner knowing that is steady and clear. With intuition, you "just know". It's actually very natural. If we human beings weren't such complicated creatures, the concept of intuition wouldn't even exist. We would simply know what work to do, what to eat, who to marry. Our next step would be obvious. But, alas, our ideas and emotions can cloud our vision, and we can become quite confused about the choices, large and small, that life requires us to make.

The goal of the Accessing Intuition Guided Meditation is to help you tap into your intuition by going beyond analysis, evaluation and emotional reactions. By allowing your awareness to settle down in a way that it transcends the influence of thinking and emotions, you able to attend to the subtle messages of intuition. Hopefully the meditation will also help you to trust your intuition, by learning to recognize what it feels like. Often we have an inner knowing about something, but we're afraid to trust it. The more we're able to recognize intuition, the easier it will be to trust in it. Intuition feels good in your body. There is a steadiness about it, and it is uncolored by emotions and concepts.

Meditation in a wired world

Our podcast has connected us with thousands of people all over the world, and yet none of this would have been possible when I first started meditating. Years ago I couldn't have imagined that meditation could be shared through technology. I would never have pictured people listening to our meditations on mp3 players and computers, much less on a smart phone. What a blessing! Our international meditation group is growing, all thanks to this "wired world". Caroline left a wonderful comment on the website today. I wanted to share it here -- I found it fascinating that she started meditation to escape the wired world, only to find meditation through it.

"I started meditation a year or so ago to find some peace from the incessant demands of information-overload in our wired world. When my employer provided us with Smart Phones I saw it as just one more intrusion. Then I discovered your podcasts and your wonderful Simply Being app...When I sit with Mary’s calming voice, all the cares of the day just fade away. THANK YOU!"

Take a Mini Break from Work or Study

Even a few minutes is enough to relax and release tension. Our latest podcast episode, Mini Break from Work or Study, is a short meditation you can use when you have just a few minutes to spare. It guides you through a process that you can use anytime, even when you don't have your mp3 player with you. After you've done it a few times, your body will remember to use it to relax. Similar in length to the Deep Relaxation Meditation in our first podcast episode, this meditation has a different approach. You'll be guided to let go of your work, stretch, take some deep breaths and do a quick body scan with tension release. I think you'll be impressed with how much difference a little time away from work or studies can make.

If you can take a little time here and there to relax, it can make a big difference. Making it a habit to take breaks throughout the day can really reduce your stress. I have to remind myself to do this all the time. It's so easy to get caught up in the sense of urgency about getting things done. You may feel you can't afford to take the time, but you really can't afford not to! When you take time off to "reset", you'll be able to accomplish a lot more. When you feel clear and relaxed, everything goes better!

Finding Silence in a Busy Mind

Lyn emailed me about a statement on our Difficulty Meditating website page that she found confusing. This blog post is an attempt to explain it, but I'm not sure that I can anymore than I can explain the taste of an apple to someone who has never tasted one. Here's the statement she found confusing:

"Although meditation can be a way to experience inner silence, this comes about not by eliminating thoughts, but by becoming aware of the silence that is naturally present in the mind along with the thoughts."

The statement refers to the experience of silence in a meditative state, and a meditative state is very difficult to describe in words. It's about the space between words, the space between thoughts. It's about becoming unhooked from thoughts and concepts so that the background of consciousness in which everything is experienced becomes apparent.

Trying to describe this experience is like trying to describe space. It's easy to describe the objects in space - a tree, an apple, a human being - but how do you describe space itself to someone?  Everything exists in space - it's that no-thing in which every "thing" is! How you put words to that?

Our awareness could be thought of as the space in which all of our experiences take place. It is an "aware space". It is there all of the time, but we don't put our attention on it. Our attention is focused on the experiences, rather than the awareness underlying the experiences. Meditation can bring about an awareness of awareness. And the nature of that awareness could be described as silence. As we disengage from the meaning of thoughts and they are allowed to flow through, the experience is one of silence along with thoughts. The gap between thoughts, the space in which they happen, is being noticed.

Does the statement make sense to you? How would you explain it to someone?