Non-resistance in Meditation

Comment from Kathy -- "I have trouble meditating in general. I can relax completely but then the slightest things disturb me. Things like my eyelids fluttering or an itch. My limbs become restless. Can you advise any strategy to help deal with that so I can stay in that relaxed state?" ----------

11-19-2011 -- Meant to add my comments before publishing this post yesterday. So here they are now -- better late than never!

The obstacle to staying in a relaxed state is TRYING to stay in a relaxed state. You can feel restless and have fluttering eyelids and still be relaxed. The key to remaining relaxed is non-resistance. Let it be OK if you feel restless or your eyelids flutter. Go ahead and scratch an itch. Although some meditation styles may require that you stay perfectly still, we don't subscribe to that approach. Naturalness is the key. Learning to let go of resistance to what is happening is the essence of the practice. Take it as it comes, and when you find your are resisting that, let it go. Even the resistance when it comes up, is part of the process. In our approach to meditation, you can't make a mistake. Everything is part of the process of meditation!

I want this experience every time I meditate!

It's hard to imagine that anyone who has ever meditated has not felt this at one time or another. We are sitting in meditation and everything feels so perfect. We may describe the experience in different ways -- peace, calm, silence, bliss, love -- but whatever we call it we want it forever! We want it every time we meditate. And then we sit to meditate and begin to look for it and when it's not there, we try to get it back. Perhaps we have a theory about how we "got there" before, and yet despite all our efforts, it isn't happening.

We feel we've lost the knack. We're failing. Yet the more we look for that special experience and the more we try the worse we feel. Apparently all our best efforts can't get us back there. And if we can see the obvious, we'll see that our efforts didn't get us there in the first place!

So many times in my local guided meditation group, people will say something like this -- "When I started meditation it seemed like I'd never settle down. It seemed hopeless and I said to myself, 'oh well, this just isn't going to work today'. The next thing I knew, I went so deep!" Once they had given up, the mind shifted into a meditative state on its own. And that's the "trick" of it. A meditative state happens when we stop trying to make it happen. It happens when we let go of attachment to "good experiences". It happens when we are in a state of non-resistance, not trying to stop whatever is naturally happening and not trying to create something in its place.

How do we stop trying? We certainly can't try to stop trying, but a kind of backing off can happen when we see that we are caught up in the effort of trying to get somewhere. As we practice meditation more and more, self awareness can grow. Having guidance can help, and guided meditation can be helpful as well.

What has been helpful for you? Share your experiences and comments!