How to Meditate

26 Responses to “How to Meditate”

1. Prashant Malik on October 12th, 2008 4:59 am

   Whenever during meditation I concentrate on my breath, I became very restless, i.e I begin to breath profusely as if I am doing any physical heavy work.
   Why this is happening?

2. Mary on October 12th, 2008 9:15 am

   Hello Prashant,
   I’m not sure if I can answer this without knowing more about what type of meditation you are practicing and how you are practicing it, but one possibility is that you are concentrating too hard on the breath. Could it be that you are trying very hard to keep your attention on the breath? If you are making a great effort, it might cause the reaction you are talking about.

   Try listening to our Breath Awareness Meditation on our podcast and see if that helps. Don’t strain and work hard at concentrating on the breath. Just be very easy about it. It’s OK if the mind wanders from the breath. Try that meditation and if there is still a problem, let us know!

   There are a couple of possibilities

3. Mike on December 30th, 2008 4:55 pm

   So many people talk about “Watching” your thoughts. I think this is hard to understand. No one really tells you how to watch you thoughts. Can you explain?

4. Mary on December 30th, 2008 6:21 pm

   Hi Mike,
   Great question. I actually don’t like the phrase “watch your thoughts”. It’s not a helpful term in the way I do meditation. In fact, I don’t really see how it’s possible to watch your thoughts (in the way you would watch cars passing or clouds moving in the sky). Since it’s not a term that I find useful, I can’t really explain it to you!

   How to handle thoughts is always a key element of any meditation. I would find it more useful to say “ignore your thoughts” than “watch your thoughts”!

5. Mike on December 30th, 2008 8:38 pm

   Interesting point on “ignoring thoughts” versus watching them. Although, wouldn’t ignoring thoughts be like suppressing them? Aren’t we to try to not either reject or follow thoughts, but make note of them and just let them be? I guess my question is more around negative thoughts and how to deal with them outside of meditation. I have been studying buddhism for several months and find this very difficult. I just came across your site and really enjoy the guided mediations.

   Thanks!

6. Mary on December 31st, 2008 9:53 am

   Hi Mike,
   This is an interesting discussion for me. I don’t have a background in Buddhism, so I’m not the best person to consult if you are following that path. Often people compare my meditations to mindfulness, and I do think there’s much in common, but I’m coming to feel there are some subtle differences as well.

   By ignoring thoughts I don’t mean suppressing them. At the same time, I don’t think we need to “make note of them”. Again, that’s a term that I don’t find useful for the style of meditation I am teaching. I do sometimes talk about “noticing” thoughts and other experiences, but noticing is something that happens quite spontaneously. “Making note of” implies something you need to do something about thoughts. The meditation style I am using is about stopping doing when you notice rejecting or following. It’s about a letting go of doing.

   It’s a subtle but important difference. It’s also very difficult to find words to describe the process of meditation. For that reason, I don’t emphasize concepts and verbal descriptions of how to meditate (even though I have some on the website). I encourage people to listen to the guided meditations as the best way to experience meditation.

   As for negative thoughts outside of meditation — that’s a big subject! Briefly, it’s impossible not to have negative thoughts in my opinion. They come up. Then the question is how you handle them. This is such a big topic that I’ll give it some thought and write a post sometime soon.

   Thanks for your interesting questions!

7. Billy McBay on January 13th, 2009 8:22 pm

   I truly enjoy your podcasts!

8. Luis on March 29th, 2009 8:23 pm

   I enjoy your podcasts a great deal! Thank you!

9. Mary on March 30th, 2009 8:53 am

   Billy and Luis, You are welcome!

10. lynda on April 12th, 2009 8:39 am

    i just got done listening to you for the first time and i feel so relaxed. im going to bookmark this page for sure. thank you so very much for being on the web.

11. Mary on April 12th, 2009 9:01 am

    You’re welcome, Lynda. Happy that you found us!

12. Anne Davis on April 21st, 2009 8:25 pm

    Hi Mary,

    I stumbled upon your podcasts at just the right time several weeks ago (a repeating theme among others out there it seems!) and have finally had a chance to look around the website and I want to tell you it is WONDERFUL! Thank you for everything you are doing – I hope you continue for a very long time.

    I do have a question (probably many – but let’s start here) I was reading the thread of meditation about how you teach dealing with thoughts that enter your head during meditation. The conversation itself and the issues it raised were interesting in and of itself but something you said jumped out at me and brought my question to mind. You made reference to how your background is not in Buddhism and you went on to talk about subtle differences. And of course there are differences between different philosophies and the meditation style they teach (some subtle – some probably less so). I am wondering if you have any thoughts or opinions on whether its possible (or good or bad) to regularly switch between different styles. I am sure you will say everyone needs to find the manner of meditation that works best for them. But I am wondering if there is harm in “cross-training” so to speak or if it is more important to have a solid routine and skill (not quite the right word) in one particular style?

    Wow – this got much more long winded than I intended.

    Thank you again so much!

    Anne

13. Mary on April 22nd, 2009 9:11 am

    Hi Anne,
    Well, yes, you already said part of my answer for me — “I am sure you will say everyone needs to find the manner of meditation that works best for them. ”

    That being said, I don’t think there’s any inherent harm in switching back and forth between styles. Different styles can be quite compatible, with different effects for different times. Bear in mind, though, that I approach meditation as a kind of self-exploration and self-discovery and I encourage people to trust their intuition.

    Thank you for this very interesting, thoughtful comment and great question! It’s an important question for many to explore on their journey with meditation.

14. Friamin on June 3rd, 2009 7:56 pm

    I think you explained the idea of using different forms of meditation very well. Meditation is very personal and we need to find the form which has the most impact on our inner being. It is a matter of relying on our intuition and our sence of knowing what is right for us. What may work for 3 million Buddhists may not necessarily resonate with you.
    Well worth the read
    thanx

15. Mary on June 4th, 2009 9:31 am

    Thanks for weighing in, Friamin. You are welcome!

16. lohn newson on January 6th, 2010 4:59 am

    I am in pain every day and frequently it is severe. The medics have told me that apart from ever stonger painkillers theres nothing more they can do, I dont want to become a zombie. Ive looked at meditation in detail and i truly believe its my only option and yet im finding it very difficult to do, ive tried several techniques but im getting nowhere, my clinical psychologist has suggested Mindfullness;
    I would be deeply grateful for any advice.
    JOHN

17. Mary on January 6th, 2010 10:14 am

    So sorry to hear about your pain, John. I’m not a Mindfulness teacher so can’t comment on that. Each person is different in terms of which meditations they will respond to. You are welcome to explore the guided meditations we have on our podcast. They are free. There’s one called Beyond Pain which may help. I’d suggesting starting with one of the beginning meditations mentioned on this page and when that feels easy, try the Beyond Pain meditation. There’s lots of things you can read on this site to support using these meditations, and you can consider our online course if you feel you resonate with our approach. Best wishes.

18. Bob Gruber on February 27th, 2010 7:45 pm

    Thanks for the podcasts, they have become one of my favorite times during the day. You are so calming.

19. Mary on February 28th, 2010 12:16 pm

    You are so welcome, Bob. Thanks for taking the time to comment!

20. Janis Thompson on March 3rd, 2010 2:00 pm

    This is in response to John and his pain. I broke my ankle and after the doctors inserted two pins, two rods, and 12 screws, it was discovered I quickly become immune to pain killers. Lying awake at 3 AM after hours of excruciating pain, I used some Buddhist teaching and decided to become completely mindful of the pain. I wanted to be the pain. I began by determining exactly where it was located. Was it an inch inside the ankle? Was it on the right side more than the left? How could I describe it so that someone else could understand exactly where it was located? As I meditated on this, I realized the pain was lessening and at times completely disappearing. I felt the pain was like a little child who wanted someone to pay attention, and once that happened, it felt better. It took time but I eventually became the pain and realized it was neither good nor bad and needed to be embraced in order to be accepted. I also practiced Tonglen (you visualize taking on the suffering of others and giving your own happiness to others). I told myself I was experiencing this pain so a baby didn’t. That helped as I hated to think of a tiny baby in such debilitating pain. Now when I’m in pain, I think, “Oh, welcome pain. I’m hurting so that some baby isn’t.” I hope, John, you can work to embrace the pain and see what it has to teach you.

21. laura on March 24th, 2010 7:26 am

    thank you so much for the podcasts i am new to meditation and enjoying it so much! i spent too much of my life worrying about thoughts but think i have finally learned to let them drift in and out without paying them too much attention! with your help and changing my own attitudes i think i could soon be the most relaxed person in the world! thank you again x

22. Mary on March 24th, 2010 3:23 pm

    How wonderful that you are enjoying meditation so much! You are very welcome.

23. Lydia on April 9th, 2010 9:37 am

    Hello there! Whenever I meditate, I experience a ’spacing out’ or some kind of ‘transport’. I don’t really know what to call it, I just wonder if maybe you can help me figure out what it is. It’s like, I’m there, but I’m not THERE. Almost as if I take myself out of my body and put myself in a jar off on the side. I know, I’m crazy right? I’m there watching myself. It happens during the day as well, I don’t necessarily have to be meditating: just random occurrences, but it’s most prevalent when I’m relaxed and I let my mind wander. I don’t use any specific form of meditation, I just concentrate on breathing in&out and not focusing on any thoughts that swirl around in my head! Anyway, I’m not really worried about it, just curious.
    
    Thanks a bunch!

24. Mary on April 9th, 2010 4:44 pm

    Hi Lydia,
    It sounds to me like a description of what I would call a “meditative state”. Usually our attention is focused on something and the mind is, in a sense, completely caught up in that focus. In meditation, the attention relaxes so that the mind is no longer engaged in the same way with perceptions and thoughts. Your awareness, which is usually bound up in thoughts or perceptions, becomes the main identification of the mind, rather than thoughts. Pure awareness dominates.

    This is a great question and I hope to devote a blog post to it soon.

25. Teri Ching on May 4th, 2010 4:57 pm

    Being Fully Present….I heard this in your podcasts..and I’m not sure what that really means..paying attention more..Thanks Teri

26. Mary on May 5th, 2010 9:49 am

    Hi Teri, Usually we think of “being fully present” as being aware of what is going on in the moment — of what is happening around us and within us — as opposed to being caught up in thoughts. When I use phrases like that in the meditation, they are just reminders to the mind to let go. Nothing that I say is an instruction that’s meant to be followed in a precise way. If I use that phrase it doesn’t really mean “pay more attention”. Phrases like that are just gentle prompts to give the mind the signal to let go of thoughts.

    It’s best when listening to my meditations to not be concerned about the meaning of what I am saying. The meditations are to help you get beyond meaning and let the mind relax. Hope this helps.

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