Grief and an open heart
May 9, 2010
Some of us react to loss by “shutting down”. We don’t feel we can bear the pain of grief, or we don’t want to risk loving and losing someone again. Rachel, whose comment is quoted below, feels her heart has been “shut for business” since she broke up with her ex four years ago. When she experienced an emotional release in the Opening the Heart meditation, however, she felt hope that she’ll eventually be able to move on and find someone new.
“I felt a significant release with tears when trying this meditation. I split with an ex over four years ago… I haven’t been able to move on at all romantically as I haven’t been able to let go of this past relationship. My heart shut for business to anyone else. I’m really hoping this meditation will eventually help me move on and find love again.”
Rachel has every reason to be hopeful now that she’s been able to start grieving the loss of her ex. If we can grieve a loss fully, feeling the pain all the way through, it leaves us with an open heart that can make new connections. It’s said that the only way through grief is straight into the heart of it. You have to fall into it completely. An open heart is one that can grieve. We can’t really feel love and joy if our hearts are closed to feeling pain. Grief is a natural process that allows us to let go of one relationship and let in another.
Life is full of losses, large and small. Large losses, like losing a loved one, a job, moving, or falling ill, cause us to grieve. But so do smaller losses, losses that we might not even recognize as something to grieve. This really struck me yesterday as I was inhaling the wonderful fragrance of the jasmine flowers gracing my patio. Spring is my favorite season, and the return of the jasmine nourishes my being and brings me joy. But yesterday I noticed that almost all of the buds had already bloomed, and most of the lovely little flowers were on the decline. Lots of spent blossoms were at my feet. I felt as if I wanted to hold on to the jasmine forever, to never let it go. At some point I noticed a tight feeling in my heart. I felt that holding on feeling so clearly and sensed it as a tightening up against life. I felt I needed to let go and when I did, I felt grief. It was a surrender to the inevitability of loss that is part of the fabric of life. In that surrender I felt my heart relax and open. Though I felt sad, in that moment I felt fully alive. I was open to whatever might come next.
My sense is that we can’t let go and be truly open without feeling the pain of loss. What has your experience with this been?
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10 Responses to “Grief and an open heart”
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Two years on I still think of her every day, every moment. But my lost love for the woman of my life has opened new doors and taken me to far higher places than I ever thought possible. I love her with every ounce of strength in my body and I now know true deep endless love for the first time which now encompasses everybody and everything around me.
Through meditation I am still my my exlover; we spend time together each morning on a sandy beach and I also travel this world and spirit world.
I know I will see my lover again in another life and treasure each moment of my current existence….we are all one of the same.
Thank you for sharing this with us, Spencer!
Dear Meditation Oasis,
I had a similar experience to Rachel’s. In 2005, I had a boy break my heart, and I felt like I had lost everything. I had a hard time with future relationships, and it was always me who ended things because I always wanted to be in control. My ex came back into my life last year, and because I let him in with false hopes, it ruined a potential relationship I had with another person that I deeply cared about.
After meditating on this, I realized that if I didn’t let my ex go, I could ruin future relationships with others. It took me over 4 years to realize that I was okay without him, and that if I keep my heart open, I will never be alone.
With the help of your meditations as well, I learned how to embrace the feeling of loss and pain instead of resisting it. I realize that with pain and loss, I can learn and grow. If I resist it, I will not change.
I have been meditating for a little over a year and a half now, and I can’t believe the transformation I’ve gone through. Thanks for a great podcast, it is truly inspiring.
Emily, this is so inspiring to read. Your statements are beautiful and ring so true to me. I love it when you say “if I keep my heart open, I will never be alone”. This is so profound – I’m going to put it on the Facebook page and quote you on Twitter! You are so very welcome.
A couple of years ago I was training full-time to be pro tennis player, making good progress, until I suffered several injuries as a result of over-training. I tried to struggle on but only did further damage and had to give up altogether.
This caused me to become very depressed for a long time as I felt as though I had lost everything, my sport had become my “identity” and without it there was no point to anything.
Your podcasts have helped me along the way to help release some of the anger and grief I experienced and slowly but surely get my life back on track.
Not quite the loss of a loved one or partner but still very painful and thought it would be valid to share here
Thanks again for all your work
Simon
Absolutely valid to share this, Simon, and I’m so glad you did. Richard and I are moved that the podcast helped you through this. It is a HUGE loss and clearly would be very painful. We wish you the best.
First, I agree that Simon’s greif is very valid, and is not any less significant than any persons experience.
Also, I would like to share that this meditation helped me to identify lingering greif that I did not know existed. I had been identifying it as anger. My mother is an alcoholic and I have gone through the stages of greif to deal with the loss of what I wanted our relationship to be, what I had hoped for and needed so desperatley. I was surprised by my emotional reaction to the podcast. Thank you for helping me in this way, on the road to peace.
You are so welcome, sophie. It’s wonderful that you are open to this kind of healing experience…
after 48 years of marriage, my husband changed me for a “new model”, he’s 72 and his lover 20, can you imagine what I’ve been through? I was full with anger, anxiety, depression, but thanks to Meditation Oasis I’ve been able to get better every day, thanks
You are welcome, Judith, and thank you for sharing your story. We send you our very best at this terribly difficult time.