My “soothing” “irritating” voice - thoughts on being oneself
February 5, 2010
If you are reading this post, chances are you are someone who likes my voice, the style of my guided meditations and Richard’s music. I get lots of comments about how soothing and reassuring my voice is. That feels good,\ of course. But everyone’s reaction to my voice isn’t so favorable.
There have been reviews that said I sound like a Valley Girl, a Saturday Night Live skit, too sing-songy, aggravating, irritating, annoying, even drunk! Reactions to a person’s voice and style of speaking, especially in a guided meditation, can be so different. Something in a voice can trigger a difficult or unpleasant association. What soothes one person annoys another.
Obviously, there’s no “best” guided meditation style or “right” voice for everyone. People’s tastes are so varied. Nevertheless, the first time we got a negative review on our first CD, it made me want to quit. I listened to myself and thought “oh my they’re right, I sound ridiculous”. It didn’t matter that many people were already getting benefit from the meditations. My confidence in myself was so low. On top of that, I have a way of seeing things from all different sides. So I could easily feel that someone’s criticism was the truth of the matter.
Thank goodness I didn’t give up. It took a lot of reminding myself that a few people not liking what I do doesn’t negate the value many others were receiving from my work. It took accepting that as soon as you express yourself fully, in your own unique way, some people are not going to like what you do. It also took understanding that the more you express your true self, the more you had to offer those who resonate with you.
For much of my life, I didn’t fully express my creativity and talents because I preferred to hide and not give anyone the chance to criticize me. But that is no way to live. We all have gifts and we need to share them to be really fulfilled. If you express yourself and share your gifts, not everyone will enjoy them, but some people will absolutely love what you have to offer. And that’s what matters - that you give what you can to those who can benefit from it. Perhaps what matters even more is that you give the gift of yourself to yourself!
Now when I hear a criticism, it doesn’t phase me. My perspective is much more balanced, and my self-love and respect so much stronger. Day by day, I gather more courage to be more fully myself. The more I express myself, the less I care what others think, the more fulfilling life becomes. It’s an on-going journey for me. Some fortunate people grow up with that kind of confidence, but others have to gain it later. How about you? What has your experience been?
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30 Responses to “My “soothing” “irritating” voice - thoughts on being oneself”
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I love your voice and listen to your meditations all the time. Thank you (and your husband) for sharing your peace.
Blessings to you.
I’m sorry I just don’t get people who leave negative comments about free podcast’s. If you don’t like it look for another one.
I for one love your voice and I love Richards music. It’s so pavlovian for me now that I’m in a meditative state within 30 seconds of hearing his music.
Thanks You
@innasstar You are welcome! Blessings to you…
@Ian Thank you for your kind words. Actually, we don’t get negative comments about the podcast. Those comments have mainly been in reviews on places like Amazon.com where people have paid for our products. People are more likely to make negative comments if they’ve paid for something. That’s to be expected really, and there’s never something that pleases absolutely everyone!
Hello Mary and Richard
- Two years ago I fell smitten for a wonderful woman who has now grown popular in her domain. At first she had only a few hundred subscribers. I showed my love and dedication relentlessly offering her many creative ideas and suggestions as random as you like. I assisted her in basic marketing with my experiences of past. She is now very popular to say the least!! Last summer, she became interested more openly and her attention was enough to make me dizzy I forgot about all else then one day I saw her amount of subscribers which was hundreds of thousands!! My confidence suddenly rattled and I choked. A fight or flight case if you will, I fled with a nasty comment which I will always wince till my last breath! The reaction from her subscribers followed and it felt the world was against me. I was lost for words and felt heart broken, very annoyed with my self unable to face my lack of courage and face. On Christmas day when volunteering at a local hospital, a patient who sadly has now passed said something which thankfully released that stifling energy in a an instant. He said that I am not the opinion of others. I have since continued, tentatively I must add, made good but lost her love or friendship we once shared. She is very kind but even so!! My confidence is back and once again I can look at myself and laugh, all be it with a smile and a shake of my head. I ignore the persistent ridicule of others as I remind my self they joined much later and know little of the history or relationship involved but very harsh comments by a few. I forgive these people which enables me to be me! My late Grandfather use to say metaphorically speaking, “If someone doesn’t like your trousers, that’s not your problem!’ and remember The Monty Python crew who would sit around a table creating the most off the wall programmes ever who said, “Welcome and enjoy, if you don’t like it then sod off!’ - Also, as a leisure club attendant looking after the pool, elders would ask for the temperature to be hot and younger ones to be cool. I chose a middle temp but that caused twice the hassle, so I would flip a coin each day and go with fate! I think the biggest lesson that I have learned has been trust in ones own instincts and believe!! I feel love always for everyone and everything in life but only recently began to love my self. I soon hope to find my niche and go dor it whole heartedly doing the basics as the rest will be sure to follow. I accept that you will never please 100% of people at any given time no matter who or what you do but if you can help or please just one other then, in my opinion, you have succeeded already. I use to play live music in a few bands and we had a handful of followers who loved us and the critics were very harsh. We almost had it in the bag but some band members took the cricium to heart and no longer believed. When I heard a tune on BBC Radio one evening five years later, my heart was full of joy and pity. When I first heard you guys on i-tunes, instantly I felt a connection and believed in you and what you were doing as I still do today. You have inspired me to keep me focussed in going it alone and I have made every sacrifice to get this far, a base where I can now concentrate and go for it. I always remind my self of Rule Number 6; Don’t be too serious and in case you are wondering what the other rules are well, there are no other rules! Be well, Matt 
Your voice is so soothing that I rarely can stay awake for an entire session. I am so grateful for you and your amazing voice.
Great post Mary - thank you for sharing so honestly with us - it has been very helpful to a people pleaser like me to read this today! I must admit that I am surprized at those Amazon comments because I would have assumed that people would avail of the opportunity to preview your voice here first before buying your CD.
Anyway, for the record, I find your voice rich, warm and soothing and what Ian says so beautifullyabout the pavlovian response is true for me too
My experience is you have the voice of an angel. So soothing. I am so grateful to have discovered your podcasts. I have been going through some very difficult life changes and the guided meditations have helped me during this turbulent time. I understand what you’re saying, and I agree. I have always focused ONLY on the people who don’t like me for whatever reason, paid less attention to people who do like me, and believed that there must be something wrong with me. I have learned that there isn’t anything wrong with me. It’s always a matter of opinion and isn’t personal. Some people really dislike carrots, but that doesn’t make them wrong. I wish I had learned this lesson way earlier in life than I did. Thanks for sharing your experience.
Mary, I’m so thankful to have found your website…I meditate every morning and evening and am ‘addicted’ to it. I love the sound of your voice and Richard’s music. It’s perfect!
I, too, do not understand those people who seem to want to find negativity in everything. It’s great that you do not take it to heart.
Very interesting post. I for one love what Meditation Oasis has to offer. I have tried many guided meditations and had often been distracted by the voices I heard and wondered if I would ever be able to complete a guided meditation. Then I found Mary’s podcasts and had no problem at all - totally puts me at ease. I don’t think I could listen to anyone else : ). Thanks Mary and Richard for the great work you do and service you offer through iTunes and other forums.
@Matt Thank you for your open sharing, including the wise words from your grandfather and Monty Python. You gave such great examples - I loved the story of the leisure club pool temperature predicament! Wishing that you fall more deeply in love with yourself everyday…
@Ellen Thank you for your kind words.
@JBBC From one people pleaser to another — shall we start a PPA (People Pleasers Anonymous)
We had CDs on Amazon long before we started the podcast, and not everyone knows about the podcast (imagine that!). Thank you for your kind presence!
@Kelly You’re welcome. I’m so glad you’ve come to see there is nothing wrong with you. What a blessing, even when this comes later than we would have liked. Thank you for sharing this.
@Michelle We’re grateful you found us too. As far as addictions go, a meditation addiction is a good one! Thank you for your supportive words.
@Greg You are so welcome. I’m so glad the podcasts put you at ease. Thank you for sharing your experience with us.
I love your meditations and your soothing voice, keep up the good work. I use them every night and they always relax me.
also glad I read the comments above, I lately for some stupid reason have been feeling like I had to be a people pleaser, I never felt that before quite the opposite.
some very good points made on that issue came to me at just the right moment in time.
Guess sometimes we just feel too sensitive about ourselves and others and what they think.
As the old saying goes if you knew how little people think about you, you would never worry ,they are very busy thinking about themselves most of the time.
Good to be reminded of that old saying, Lucy! Glad the meditations are helping you relax. Best wishes.
“Perhaps what matters even more is that you give the gift of yourself to yourself!”
I love the above sentence you said. When we are able to truly be at peace with our expression of who we really are - it is truly a gift we give ourselves.
I find that when I am in that place of deep peace with myself, nothing much could affect me. The challenge is to learn how to stay in that place, deeply and constantly.
I have my good days and my not so good days in class. For me, the key is to relax, tune in deeply and let go of trying too hard, that’s when the flow comes most naturally.
I think that is pretty much what you are teaching too.
I am thankful that you didn’t give up
I feel the peace in your voice.
Lotus, I liked that sentence too when it popped up as I wrote. I’m pleased you picked up on it and elaborated on it in your words “When we are able to be truly at peace with our expression of who we really are - it is truly a gift we give ourselves.” Beautiful, thank you!
I love your voice!! I have recently started to get int meditation and this podcast has been a godsend. I am a very anxious, nervous person but thanks to you I an becoming relaxed and finally sleeping enough. Thank you so much for everything and all the wonderful meditations!
How wonderful, Sophie. You are welcome!
I love your voice, Mary. I find it very soothing, and the cadence and lilt of your voice is somewhat like being rocked to sleep for me.
I too suffer from severe anxiety and insomnia, and since beginning meditation (I started with your podcast) I am finally starting to be able to slow down, take a breath, and get some rest.
So thanks
I’m so glad to hear that you are getting some relief. You are welcome and thanks for stopping by to comment.
My experience has been great! From one Jersey girl to another, I can say I wish we all sounded like you. I prefer to listen to your podcasts before bed, and if I were irritated I certainly would not be drifting off to sleep with you in my ears. In my own life, as a Leo I never cared much what other people thought. If one has a problem with me, well, it’s his problem now, isn’t it? I’ve always been independent and on my own track, and there seem to be a lot of people in our society who don’t have much appreciation for strong women, but I say “Oh well!” to them. We all have our own beauty and our own contributions. If we are more focused on what we don’t like in others than in what we do like about ourselves, I don’t think we’ll make it very far. Thanks for what you are putting out there and keep up the great work!
You’re welcome, Lynne, and thank you. It’s wonderful to hear from such a strong woman, and a Jersey girl no less
!
I’m so glad you didn’t give up! Your guided meditations are such a gift to the world. Some people are in such a negative place in their lives that they come up with picky, negative, unhelpful comments. When I hear comments like that, I think to myself that this person is going to say something negative no matter what, and that if they can’t think of something of substance to comment on, then I must be doing a good job!
Great perspective, Cindy - “if they can’t think of something of substance to comment on, then I must be doing a good job!” Thanks for adding your comment!
Mary, your voice is anything but irritating. I question the validity of such a statement but alas, there is no accounting for taste. I can tell you have a regional accent but it does not offend my Californian ears.
Thank you for what you and your husband do, I listen to you every night while studying for the bar exam. I will lend my support soon because you have given me much. TY!
You are welcome, David. Good luck with your bar exam!
Mary your voice has instilled more peace in me than anyone I’ve ever encountered, I can assure you it is anything but “irritating”!
Thank you for your kind words, Andrew. Everything is “in the eye of the beholder”, isn’t it… It warms my heart to feel my voice has brought you peace.
Hi I live in Ireland and have just started using your meditation on my ipod. I usually do the deep rest because I find it hard getting to sleep at times even though I feel tired. I have never meditated before because I did not believe in it, but I have to say that it seems to work and your voice is very soothing!! So I just want to say thanks and keep up the good work.
You are welcome, julie. So glad you gave meditation a chance and that it’s working for you!
mary, i think you’ve got an absolutely beautiful voice.
it’s very calming and relaxing to me.
whenever we offer something to the world, we are bound to get critics who don’t like it.
that’s ok.
we all have different tastes and preferences and none of us are obliged to please everyone.
i think i have known from a very young age that you cannot please everyone….the best you can hope for is to please yourself.
and if anyone else likes it, then that’s a bonus!
i am so glad you didn’t quit.
i constantly use and recommend your meditations.
there is nothing else like them.
patti, Good to hear from you! Great that you could learn early that “you cannot please everyone….the best you can hope for is to please yourself and if anyone else likes it, that’s a bonus!”. Wise words.